Thy shall love my body & own it..

So the new waist line, the new persona, new clothes and all…It was a new me! 

By this time I was hitting my goal weight of 180lbs and feeling relaxed in my skin.  When I first started to lose weight, I told myself I wanted to be 180, the weight I was when I graduated high school in 2001.  Although, I carried myself differently, most people didn’t think I weighed that much.  My curves were defined, dresses fit different and I was able to show off my body.  So in theory, I was good to go! 

The past 6-7 years, I hid behind my friends who were skinner, beautiful and more out there with themselves then I was.  But now, I was that girl…I got the attention, some times unwanted attention, but it was all new to me.  I liked it and took it all in…to my amazement I shouldn’t have.  I shouldn’t have acted out as I did, and asked for more attention then I really wanted knowing I was only playing games with myself. I was better than that; I was old enough to realize what I was putting myself through.  I guess after years of being the last choice of many guys, it was nice to finally have guys come up to me and grab my attention from the beginning of the night.  In most cases that would have been fine but in my case it wasn’t.  I wasn’t nearly ready to enjoy the compliments mentally and internally. 

It took some time to adjust to my new body, something many people never talk about after losing so much weight.  It took me to almost lose someone close to me to finally come to terms with my actions and behaviors.  It took someone to confront me and explain what a FOOL I looked like.  But then again, I would question…did that person know all the frustration that had built up for years being the “last choice”?  Well that person did not need to know that, he was just truthful with me and explained to me that wasn’t the person he met. 

From there on out, I conducted myself with more respect.  When I go out, which I HATE to, but if I must go out to a club, I don’t drink till I get drunk, I don’t dance all crazy, creating that attention to myself nor do I ACT LIKE A FOOL!  I’m too old for that, I’m not 20 or 21, I’m 27 now.  I have my whole future ahead of me, my career and dignity to keep up as a respected citizen.  I guess now I’m thinking differently…I still like to enjoy a drink, I still like to hang out with friends and I sure love to dance still but I do it with honor and respect.  A lesson that Ms. Winfrey doesn’t talk about on any of her shows about weight lost.  I wish someone would have told me back in 2007 what I would encounter, but then again I never do things the easy way in life and I also go all in. 

Here on out, I had a lot to prove to myself.  New goals were set, new missions were conquered, a new life to live within my body. 

And the running begins!!!!!!

Living a lie...

I was hiding behind my studies, off getting my degree in Michigan.  Living my life to the fullest, drinking Thursday - Saturday and not eating the best foods either.  Don't get me wrong, I love my time in Graduate School but I was really running away from issues back at home.  Issues I had with myself internally, issues with my body image and much more.

However, to everyone else around me, friends and family had no clue I was unhappy. I was the happy go lucky person, always on the go, involved in everything and loving life.  But that September day when I decided to take control of my life, there was much more hidden then the fat, the large portions that I had to leave behind.  There were issues I had never thought about, body image issues that I had never discussed with anyone other than myself internally.  And I made that effort to make a CHANGE.  By the beginning of the new year, I had already shed 30lbs.

Starting 2008 on a good note and never wanted to go back.

That year was hard, I faced some ups and downs, with my weight, my personal identity and learning how to "love".  To love both myself and another individual.  I had to learn how to be happy with myself and accept myself in order to allow someone else into my life.  During that year I lost an additional 20lbs..the hardest 20lbs ever but worth every single pound.  I became comfortable in my skin, maybe too comfy in most cases.

I went from a size 18/20 to 14/16...XL to L/M...having a waist line that was amazing.  Trust me I loved it...I also loved the attention I was receiving.

But that was something I had to get use too over time....more lessons to learn...

Me...the old me

It's going to be 3 years this September that I started to work out and strive for a better life.  Beforehand, I would play sports, work out from time to time but still PIG out. 
One day I saw a picture of myself that was taken at a work promotion event, a picture I had always wanted to take.  It was me inside a Orange County Firetruck.  I saw that picture and realized I had to do something with my life.  I didn't see the person I thought I was.  I saw a slob, someone that didn't take care of myself, someone that was hiding inside an insane amount of weight. 
I faced those problems and that night hired a personal trainer....3 years later THIS IS THE NEW ME. 

Throughout the next couple of days as I update, my stories will be frank and to the point.  They'll be truthful of someone who loves food but also loves to stay in shape.  I may be a female but I don't care about sharing my weight.  I know my original weight and am willing to admit to it, am I embarrassed? YES but I'm working on it. 

My life is a work in progress...236