I need to vent!!! I hate MEN who THINK it’s kool to whistle at me while I run down the street. Really!!! ARGH!!! So irritating...I wish they wouldn’t do that. BTW it doesn’t make me run any faster!
Anyways...the true reason why I’m posting!
This past week has been the hardest for me. First, my worst nightmare happened to me but I’m not ready to disclose that at this time because there are more important things going on with my life.
My best friend lost her older sister who was walking across the street and hit by a driver. She was 48 years ago, died the day before Mother’s Day. She left behind 4 grown kids and one grandchild in addition to her brothers, sisters, Mom & Dad. I feel for my friend so much...it brought back memories of losing my uncle in 1999. My uncle was killed while attempting to walk across the street in Orange, Ca. He was tossed 10 ft in the air and eventually died of internal injuries. He was 47 years old at the time. So for all those individuals that say... “You can be killed while walking across the street”...well YES YOU CAN!
To cap off my horrible week, my family got news that my Great Aunt who had been diagnosed with a brain tumor on March 27th was only given days to live. She was 79 years old, with 5 grown adult kids, several grand children and great grand children. I spent the last few days before she passed with her and our family.
During that time, I also took some time to relieve some stress with two runs during the weekend. The first run was a short 5.5 mile run near my house to recover from everything that I was going thru. It helped to have my running partner along side to motivate me to get out of bed and get those miles in. During that run, I cleared my head and went through everything that I had experienced and realized that I’M ALIVE.
Sunday Morning, 24 hrs before my Great Aunt would have passed I went out to Huntington Beach and ran 10 miles. That morning on that run I cried, smiled, I questioned my thoughts, and I RAN. That morning the weather SUCKED!!! It went from drizzle, sun, to down right POURING. However, that run was the most magical run ever. I was able to clear my head about a lot of things that had gone on. I came to terms with my Great Aunt’s sickness and knowing that if she did pass she would be in God’s arms. She wouldn’t be suffering, choking on her breathing, nor would we all be suffering alongside her.
If you recall, I lost my Great Grandmother last year. I was on my to the Oakland Half Marathon and got the phone call 2 hours before I got to San Francisco. After her death, I couldn’t run. It took months to run again like I had used too. This time around with a family death, I had to RUN. I have ran more than 20 miles to clear my mind of everything. I know both my Great Aunt and Julia (my best friend’s sister) are in a better place. They are looking down on us as Angels in heaven. I know that both will be looking down on their respectful family’s and guiding those they love to powerful places.
As for me, RUNNING has helped me clear my mind. Death is ok, for some it’s the only way, for others it’s hard and unexpected but it’s ok. Life has to go on, we cannot just stop living nor can we forgot all those memories we have shared with them. I will continue to run...I’ll run for those that can not run nor were ever given the chance to run.
Looking forward to another beach run this Friday...12 miles baby & full of emotions! The tears will come out for sure! RIP Aunt Jessie & Julia =)
Journey
My transition
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Kids say the darnest things...
I don’t know what’s worst...when a kid tells you that you are FAT or when an adult does???? No matter how much I lose or how many inches I drop I just don’t seem to be good enough for my lil god daughters. They continue to call me FAT and tell me to be skinny...for someone with thick skin you think I would be able to handle that but it HURTS. I grew up hearing criticism from my Uncle & Aunt, telling me how out of shape I was, how fat I was and so on. That built character back then - I would rather hear those words from a family member then a stranger. Tough love...right?!?! Well, to think no one ever told me to my face at least that I was FAT or OBESE. No one...none of my friends or enemies! Imagine if someone did...I think I would have lost the weight sooner.
I’ve completed 4 Half Marathons, a Spartan Hell Run and countless mud runs. I train 5-6 days a week from CrossFit, running & Softball and I still can’t please them. Why do I feel the need to please a 6 & 7 year old, you may ask? Maybe I’m seeking LOVE from them. Maybe I want them to grow up and be like “I WANT TO BE LIKE ANTO!” Maybe I do want to be a SKINNY BIT*H! Who knows...but every time they tell me I’m FAT, I cringe.
However, yesterday behind my hidden tears I realized it’s not me. It’s more about social media. Who is teaching these young kids that being SKINNY is the key to life? That if you’re not sticks & bones you are FAT. So yesterday, my youngest god daughter asked me, “What would you rather be: FAT OR SKINNY?” I responded with, “NEITHER! I rather be HEALTHY.” She didn’t know how to respond...she stood there confused. No where on TV or in magazines do you hear about being HEALTHY. Especially being preached to young kids. I know other people say the same thing but it’s TRUE. Why does society focus on being SKINNY. I sure don’t want my god daughters to grow up being STICKS and forcing themselves to throw up or not eating at all. I want them to be THICK with CURVES. I want them to be athletic and proud of their bodies. It may have taken me 28 years to finally appreciate my body but I sure do =) There is nothing that holds me back now, no excuses, no pain, NOTHING. So from here on out, I need to realize that I’m healthy. I’ll never be SKINNY. God made me with these damn HUGE HIPS and THUNDER THIGHS that I need to embrace. However, I won’t let them be an excuse from training hard. I may not look like I can run far but let me prove you wrong.
All in all, let’s cheers to BEING HEALTHY!
I’ve completed 4 Half Marathons, a Spartan Hell Run and countless mud runs. I train 5-6 days a week from CrossFit, running & Softball and I still can’t please them. Why do I feel the need to please a 6 & 7 year old, you may ask? Maybe I’m seeking LOVE from them. Maybe I want them to grow up and be like “I WANT TO BE LIKE ANTO!” Maybe I do want to be a SKINNY BIT*H! Who knows...but every time they tell me I’m FAT, I cringe.
However, yesterday behind my hidden tears I realized it’s not me. It’s more about social media. Who is teaching these young kids that being SKINNY is the key to life? That if you’re not sticks & bones you are FAT. So yesterday, my youngest god daughter asked me, “What would you rather be: FAT OR SKINNY?” I responded with, “NEITHER! I rather be HEALTHY.” She didn’t know how to respond...she stood there confused. No where on TV or in magazines do you hear about being HEALTHY. Especially being preached to young kids. I know other people say the same thing but it’s TRUE. Why does society focus on being SKINNY. I sure don’t want my god daughters to grow up being STICKS and forcing themselves to throw up or not eating at all. I want them to be THICK with CURVES. I want them to be athletic and proud of their bodies. It may have taken me 28 years to finally appreciate my body but I sure do =) There is nothing that holds me back now, no excuses, no pain, NOTHING. So from here on out, I need to realize that I’m healthy. I’ll never be SKINNY. God made me with these damn HUGE HIPS and THUNDER THIGHS that I need to embrace. However, I won’t let them be an excuse from training hard. I may not look like I can run far but let me prove you wrong.
All in all, let’s cheers to BEING HEALTHY!
Monday, May 9, 2011
People have asked… “How’d you do it!”
Lately, people have asked me how I did it and exactly what did I look like before? Well to answer the 2nd part of that question I thought I would post some pictures of myself before. Throughout the years, I have always documented my progression, not to call attention to anything but for my own satisfaction. In addition to the fact that I just LOVE pictures!
Pictures are worth a thousand words and the only thing I wish I could go back in time to figure out are…my thoughts at that very moment. My thoughts of when I saw those pictures…was I confortable in my own skin?...was I ok?...was I sad? I look back now and ask myself… “How did I allow myself to get that big?”
This was 4 years, 4 different events and the changes I have made!
This picture was taken at SEA WORLD several years apart...Any difference?
To answer the first part of that question is HARD WORK & DETERMINATION. When I first started to lose weight it was all about looking good and feeling great in my own skin. It later became about pushing myself to new limits and trying new things out. I can remember when I hit 200lbs and I finally could go sky diving. I remember when I hit 180, my high school weight and how different I looked compared to then. I remember I hit 165, which has been the lowest, and felt soo amazing. I went out and bought 2 pairs of size 8 pants! That was short lived through all my training – my lovely thighs won’t allow me in size 8 pants! So really to answer anyone’s question….HARD WORK has sure paid off. I haven’t looked back. I no longer weigh 165lbs but it’s ok. I look & feel so much better about myself. I’m finally HEALTHY. I can do way more than I used too. I can climb a flight of stairs and not wonder if I’ll pass out at the top. I can play softball and round the bases without feeling like I need oxygen at home plate. I can’t say I took the easy route and tried a CRASH DIET or trained in the gym for 20 hrs of my day. No, I trained 2x a week for 30 minutes with a trainer early on, cut my calorie count in half and maintained a good overall positive life. Throughout the years I have increased my calorie count as I do more weight training, long distance training and softball 3x a week – I’m allowed more room for flexibility. However, I still know how to eat right, follow a semi- right meal plan and push myself to recognize unhealthy foods. It’s been a learning curve and I’ll admit I’m not a PROFESSOR yet…I’m still a student! If anything, I just might be an advance learner of the game rather than a newbie!
Congrats to my friends who have lost weight over the last few months. As you know, I’m always there for you. If I don’t know the answer, I know someone or somewhere that will have the answer!
Pictures are worth a thousand words and the only thing I wish I could go back in time to figure out are…my thoughts at that very moment. My thoughts of when I saw those pictures…was I confortable in my own skin?...was I ok?...was I sad? I look back now and ask myself… “How did I allow myself to get that big?”
To answer the first part of that question is HARD WORK & DETERMINATION. When I first started to lose weight it was all about looking good and feeling great in my own skin. It later became about pushing myself to new limits and trying new things out. I can remember when I hit 200lbs and I finally could go sky diving. I remember when I hit 180, my high school weight and how different I looked compared to then. I remember I hit 165, which has been the lowest, and felt soo amazing. I went out and bought 2 pairs of size 8 pants! That was short lived through all my training – my lovely thighs won’t allow me in size 8 pants! So really to answer anyone’s question….HARD WORK has sure paid off. I haven’t looked back. I no longer weigh 165lbs but it’s ok. I look & feel so much better about myself. I’m finally HEALTHY. I can do way more than I used too. I can climb a flight of stairs and not wonder if I’ll pass out at the top. I can play softball and round the bases without feeling like I need oxygen at home plate. I can’t say I took the easy route and tried a CRASH DIET or trained in the gym for 20 hrs of my day. No, I trained 2x a week for 30 minutes with a trainer early on, cut my calorie count in half and maintained a good overall positive life. Throughout the years I have increased my calorie count as I do more weight training, long distance training and softball 3x a week – I’m allowed more room for flexibility. However, I still know how to eat right, follow a semi- right meal plan and push myself to recognize unhealthy foods. It’s been a learning curve and I’ll admit I’m not a PROFESSOR yet…I’m still a student! If anything, I just might be an advance learner of the game rather than a newbie!
Congrats to my friends who have lost weight over the last few months. As you know, I’m always there for you. If I don’t know the answer, I know someone or somewhere that will have the answer!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
PIX FROM THE OC HALF MARATHON
JUST THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE SOME PICTURES FROM THE OC HALF MARATHON. I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY BUT SERIOUSLY...MY TRAINING PARTNER TABS IS CRAZIER THAN ME! I LOVE HOW WE PUSH EACH OTHER.
OC Half Marathon
WOW oh WOW! If someone would have told me 3 years ago that in 3 years you'll be running Half Marathons, take part in Mud Runs....well I would have told them YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!
This past Sunday, I took part in my 2nd Half Marathon this year. I ran it in 2hr 14mins...HORRIBLE time. However, I came to realize after I crossed that finish line my body was not prepared for the run. 20 minutes after crossing the finish line I fainted. To think, I carb loaded the day before, hydrated and all. Everything I had done before for my 3 other Half Marathons...I even had a protein shake before I left to meet my training partner. To no avail, during mile 10-11 I felt funky. I already knew I was about 5 minutes off my pace and goal of hitting 2 hrs. You would think that would motivate me to push harder and continue on but my body was not complying. I kept on going but all I kept thinking about was stopping and passing out on the grass. Well my thick skin and stubborn attitude wouldn't allow me to give up so I CROSSED THAT FINISH LINE!!! Struggling and all, I never would have thought I would have passed out 20 minutes after. Who knew!
My advice is to take care of yourself, listen to your body but also NEVER GIVE UP.
Next up...May 29th Tough Mudder and hopefully the Guns & Hoses Half Marathon on June 5th
Stay tuned for more running stories!
This past Sunday, I took part in my 2nd Half Marathon this year. I ran it in 2hr 14mins...HORRIBLE time. However, I came to realize after I crossed that finish line my body was not prepared for the run. 20 minutes after crossing the finish line I fainted. To think, I carb loaded the day before, hydrated and all. Everything I had done before for my 3 other Half Marathons...I even had a protein shake before I left to meet my training partner. To no avail, during mile 10-11 I felt funky. I already knew I was about 5 minutes off my pace and goal of hitting 2 hrs. You would think that would motivate me to push harder and continue on but my body was not complying. I kept on going but all I kept thinking about was stopping and passing out on the grass. Well my thick skin and stubborn attitude wouldn't allow me to give up so I CROSSED THAT FINISH LINE!!! Struggling and all, I never would have thought I would have passed out 20 minutes after. Who knew!
My advice is to take care of yourself, listen to your body but also NEVER GIVE UP.
Next up...May 29th Tough Mudder and hopefully the Guns & Hoses Half Marathon on June 5th
Stay tuned for more running stories!
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